The Explanation

The reason why I haven’t been posting on the blog as much is because several weeks ago, my grandmother was diagnosed with a brain tumor and has been undergoing chemo therapy and radiation for 4 weeks now. This has been a very stressful situation on my family and I. She is 81 years old and we understand that things like this happen, but that doesn’t make it any easier realizing that we are going to lose her and not knowing when exactly. My grandmother made the decision to do the treatment in order to have a chance at extending her life. Her doctors were confident that because she was so healthy that doing the treatments were her best option because she would tack on more time. More time with her family, more time here on Earth. But the treatments are definitely taking their toll. I’m sure you can imagine how rough it is, especially if you’ve gone through it yourself or have had a loved one go through it. Sadly, the tumor is never going to be gone. They are just trying to shrink it in order to extend her life. And when I see her going through this is makes me wonder things.

Death is something that nobody can control yet everybody has to deal with. We have to watch loved ones pass away, never to see them again. And everyone, in the end, is going to die. It’s unavoidable and it’s depressing. So what do you do when you see a loved one suffering like this with no way to make it better? What do you say?  Is it really worth her going through this at her age? Is she going to be okay? Will I be okay? Will my family be okay? What will life be like without her? What is it going to be like to have no more living grandparents? Who am I going to call with my good news that’s going to say ‘you’re mine and I am so proud of you!’?

I really feel as though out of all her grandchildren, her and I are the closest. I am the most like her and always made sure to call to talk, to see her as often as I could, to write her letters to let her know I was thinking of her. We share many of the same attitudes toward different aspects of life, and are both so family based and love to love. Her and I have a certain type of bond that I will never have with anyone else because nobody will ever be able to replace her.

Some may say that I should not be putting my business out there, but I want to because you all deserve to know the truth. Maybe by me sharing this, there will be someone out there going through the same thing as me and be able to understand how I’m feeling, and we will be connected by those mutual hardships. And I also want to know what a great person my grandmother is. She doesn’t get the recognition that she deserves. She’s a truly phenomenal grandmother and mother who has always been there for everyone through thick and thin. She has gone to the ends of the Earth for her family and has created such strong and lasting values in our lives and directed us down a path where we have the opportunity to be successful and smart.

I hope that wherever I end up in life, I always make her proud. I want her always to look at me and say ‘that’s my granddaughter and I’m proud of her.’ Even when she’s not here anymore physically, I hope she does it in spirit.  I am so thankful for all of the wonderful memories I have of her and the time that I have been blessed with to spend with her.